You’re My Brown Eyed Girl

This story was brought to my attention yesterday by Hot Air. This one is ripe for potty humor but I need to set the stage first:

A 35-year-old woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body was stuck to the seat had a phobia about leaving the bathroom, the boyfriend said.

From the story, we know this much about the woman:

Favorite Song: Brown Eyed Girl (come on, that was obvious!)

We also know that she, clearly, cannot spare a square. Nor can she pinch a loaf properly.

But, the real question plaguing your mind right now is: How did they have sex? He claims they had a normal relationship, which means of course doing the nasty business from time to time. So how was it accomplished?

I see two possibilities, besides the possibility of her doing this orally of course.

The most likely one was that when she fell asleep, he rolled her off the toilet, did his business and put her back on. Natural lubricants being present and all, ya know. (Gross, you say! Hey. Someone had to say it!)

Second, I suppose that he could lift the seat up, kinda  position himself there and they could go at it. Larry Craig clearly proved that getting it on in a bathroom is both natural and exciting. So, they were just following in his foot steps.

But most importantly, I think he waited so long to call the cops because he was finally glad that he didn't have to watch another episode of Oprah. Imagine having two years of being able to watch what you wanna watch. You'd take it, wouldn't you? I mean, you have a yard. Toilets are simply a luxury, really.

Some women take so long in the bathroom anyways. He might've just thought it only -felt- like two years.