Important life lessons!
How many of you growing up remember a show called The Herculoids? They were about 10 minute long animated cartoons that featured a family of three (Zandor, Tarra and their son, Dorno). They had a bunch of monsters with them that helped them defeat the various enemies featured in each episode.
The series runs in re-runs on the Boomerang Network, around 12:45 AM 7 days a week right now.
Every episode is essentially the same. Zandor is sleeping in the tree house. Tarra is (of course) tending to wifely duties and Dorno is playing with his mutant creature friends (I bet this kid will need therapy in later life). Inexplicably, some creatures will appear and kidnap Tarra or Dorno (no apparent reason is given normally) which forces everyone into attack to beat the crap out of the creatures. In the end of many episodes, the creatures return to an area called the “Endless Caverns” with Zandor promising to go into the caverns and finish them off so they stop attacking.
Having caught a few of these recently, I’m reminded of the important lessons that this cartoon teaches you:
- Paranoia is healthy. Everyone is out to get you
- Xenophobia is healthy. Everyone is out to get you
- Women are helpless.
- Overwhelming force is useful is just about any situation
- Everyone is out to get you
Maybe I’ll think of more some time, but those are lessons that everyone can use, every day of their life.
If you watch this show as an adult, I want you to realize what a lazy piece of crap Zandor really is. More than a few episodes end with the alien fleeing into an area called the “Endless Caverns” and Zandor saying “Maybe one day I’ll go in there and finish them off so they stop raiding us” (or something similar). Given the amount of times a creature appears from this cavern, this is a promise Zandor never lives up to.
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[...] How many of you growing up remember a show called The Herculoids? They were about 10 minute long animated cartoons that featured a family of three (Zandor, Tarra and their?son, Dorno).3 [...]
Don on November 30th, 2008
Zandor did not launch a counterattack into the Endless Caverns because it wouldn’t have been prudent. In order to attack the Endless Caverns properly, the Herculoids would have had to go in full force, thereby leaving their treehouse vulnerable to their many other enemies.
Sure, they could have sent in a small detachment. However, after the initial victories, the Herculoids would have gotten bogged down in an effort to reconstruct the Endless Caverns and introduce democracy to the spider people.
Meanwhile, the bad spider people would have gone into hiding and launched random strikes upon vulnerable targets, perhaps even picking off Dorno in one of his frequent careless moments, and Zandor would be left wondering whether it was worth it.