This slideshow requires JavaScript.

There was a car show in East Tampa this weekend. I stopped by Friday for a few minutes to take some pictures of the cars outside. There were a lot more cars earlier in the day so I might’ve missed some good ones! These were pretty cool, especially the Jack Daniels car.

Love makes people do weird things.

A northern California man was in police custody on Friday after allegedly stealing his ex-girlfriend’s pet dog, cooking it and feeding it to her, police said.

I think it’s safe to say that this guy was a South Park fan:

Following the meal, which contained meat, Watenpaugh sent her text messages asking how her dog tasted, police said. A few days later, he left a bag on her porch that contained two dog paws.

 

Nothing really to add here

But a court has now ruled that his demise was entirely his fault because he was capable of making his own decisions — including going on a masturbatory frenzy.

Although …

Zheng Gang was found slumped over and unconscious in a private booth at the Wuhan University facility in Hubei Province after staff noticed he hadn’t come out in two hours, The Daily Mail reports.

Two hours they waited?

Holidays with the family can be quite the adventure, can’t it? Here is a small collection of some funny Thanksgiving and Christmas stories.

Cold and Lonely on Christmas Eve

We were young and alone on Christmas Eve. I’d accepted a new job during the summer, so Mary and I had loaded our meager belongings into a truck and drove it a thousand miles. For both of us, it was the first Christmas away from family and friends.

The holidays were hard as we came from large families. Making matters worse, Mary was heavily pregnant. My Dad said that married men have to learn to walk on water, and when the wife is pregnant, we have to walk about three feet above it. She was on an emotional roller coaster that dipped up and down minute by minute.

That Christmas Eve, I tried to cheer her up by getting her out of the tiny apartment we’d rented, aptly named “the cave” for it’s tiny windows and dark interior. We went to an inexpensive family restaurant, about all we could afford on our tight budget. Even though the staff wanted to go home to their families, they treated us nicely, maybe because Mary was so obviously pregnant.

We finished the meal and returned to the dark, empty apartment. I retreated to the bedroom to wrap some small gifts while Mary busied herself in the living room. When I came out, she beamed, pointing at a lamp she’d decorated with ornaments because we couldn’t afford a Christmas tree. A minute later, I held her in my arms as she sobbed.

The Ice Storm

My in-laws drove halfway across the country to visit us on Thanksgiving, much to the joy of Mary and the kids. Who can spoil children better than some doting grandparents? My father-in-law enjoyed eating out at restaurants, a real luxury when you come from a tiny farm town, so I could claim to be spoiled too.

We planned a big Thanksgiving dinner with a turkey and all the goodies. Mary made a pumpkin cheesecake, and then had to make another one when my father-in-law and I ate most of the first one the night before the holiday. It hurt, but it was very good!

The next morning was cold and wet. The temperature dropped steadily through the day. Ice accumulated on the trees outside, making them look like crystal. I was nervous about a power outage. Sure enough, just after sunset a transformer blew and the lights flickered out.

We lit every candle we owned to light the kitchen and dining room. Fortunately, we had a gas stove, so cooking was still possible, and an hour later we sat down to dinner.

If you don’t help with cooking, you have to do the dishes. It’s our house rule, and I’d avoided doing any of the cooking, gambling that my friend Mr. Dishwasher would be up to the job. I lost, but I didn’t complain. I washed and dried dishes, scrubbed pots, and cleaned flatware for about 45 minutes. Finally, I poured a cup of coffee and cut another piece of that marvelous cheesecake just as the lights came back on.

The Quasimodo Tree

Mary and the kids went to pick out a Christmas tree while I was at work. They visited a local tree farm and selected one from the bargain rack. The guys there wrapped it in netting, probably chuckling all the while, because when I got home and looked at it, the tree appeared to have a huge bulge on one side. Trees don’t get pregnant, do they? This one looked like it was ready to pop out a sequoia.

At first glance, it looked like a perfect Christmas tree. I’m sure it looked that way while leaning against the rack, but further examination showed that the trunk was bent and wildly off-center. The branches were carefully trimmed to give it that “perfect” look. I found that it was almost impossible to balance in the tree stand. Mary held it up so it wouldn’t fall on me while I laid on the floor muttering and fussing with it. Eventually it stayed upright.

The kids decorated it with tinsel, strings of lamps, and ornaments, putting the latter out of reach of Mittens the Wonder Cat. When they finished, we had dinner. Minutes later, the tree crashed to the floor! Mittens streaked through the dining room, looking like a furry torpedo. She’d had a paw in the crash, I knew.

We put the tree back up. An hour later, it crashed onto the floor again. This time Mary saw Mittens trying to extricate herself from the tree. She was tangled in lights and tinsel with an ornament stuck on her tail. She took off again, hiding in the bathroom to sulk until the evil, cat-eating tree was gone.

Just to be safe, though, we tied the tree to the wall with rope, leading a friend to ask, “Are you afraid it might try to get away?”

Do you have any funny family Christmas/Thanksgiving stories that you would like to share?

Look, I don’t want to be the one to tell you this; but Aqua-man is pretty pissed at people saying that he sucks all the time.

[embedplusvideo height="354" width="630" standard="http://www.youtube.com/v/t3yb-Zuykfc?fs=1" vars="ytid=t3yb-Zuykfc&width=630&height=354&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=" id="ep1376" /]

Aquaman has been preemptively attacking us land-lovers with sharks. This is gettin’ real now, folks.

Bear in mind, this course is about three miles from the ocean. You know what that means: HOLY CRAP, SHARKS ARE FLYING NOW! THE END TIMES ARE NIGH

Even normally even-keeled reporters are scared. Aqua-man has lifted his mighty hand (the one he has left, I guess) and hurled a shark upon us. Maybe this is simply payback for us blowing up a whale a few years ago, maybe it’s a the first prong in a multistage assault on the surface dwellers. Either way, I’m preparing to bow before our Atlantean Overlords.

Do you ever think back to your childhood? Did you ever own He-Man toys? Do you remember what He-Man was?

He was a “superhero” (I guess) who fought bad guys on his planet. His main thing was that he was bulging with muscles, carried a sword and dressed in a loin cloth. You know, the kind of thing that is pretty normal in your average pron movie these days. Anyways; He-Man had this toy line where you could buy all the heroes and villains. The odd thing was that every toy had the exact same body (except the women, of course) – they were super muscular. And I mean SUPER muscular. They were flexed like body builders and their faces made them look like they were about to crap their pants.

So anyways, while the bodies were the same (only colored differently, diffeent accessories, etc), the heads were different. And the heads were squishy cuz they were cheap rubber placed onto the premolded body. The heads sometimes didn’t really match well with the body – coloring, etc. Which made it funny to play with these things.

The women had the same problem. They all had the same body and even the heads were remarkably identical. It was silly. But given there were like four females (and who wanted girl He-Man toys?) who cared. Everyone wanted to play with the real stars of the show.

So today. I’m reading the news and I see this picture and immediately say to myself, “I have the power!”

Someone has placed the wrong head on this poor guy’s body.

In the start of a new series on this blog.

Florida. Do I even need to say anything else? As I read once somewhere; everything evil either comes from Florida or Germany.

I love Rick Scott’s picture in this photo with the story. You know it’s intentional, especially given the content.

Here’s today’s face-palm moment, courtesy of Florida Gov. Rick Scott, who helpfully, unintentionally, and hysterically promoted the phone number for an adult hotline during a meeting of the Florida Cabinet yesterday, reports WSUF. He apparently got his digits mixed up when trying to direct Floridians to the hotline for information about the state’s recent meningitis outbreak. Callers who dialed the mistaken number were greeted by a sexy female voice saying, “Hello boys, thank you for calling me on my anniversary.”

Don’t even get me started on the Bay Area monkey. Who has been running wild for 3 years now. And is now, apparently, assaulting people in the park. Isn’t that wonderful? I also love the story here about this monkey. It’s now assaulted people and this news channel knows the lady who has been feeding it but, for some reason, didn’t bother to ask if she felt responsible for making it think people are now a viable food source? Good reporting, there.

So Star Wars, the Old Republic is having a free weekend so I decided to give it a whirl. Here are my quick thoughts on this game, pro’s and con’s. Probably same things written by many other people, but oh well.

Pro’s:

  • Voice acting is fantastic. It makes you feel part of a real story, instead of just clicking buttons. Even if the quests are the same (kill, fetch, deliver), you actually feel like you are doing something for somebody. That’s awesome.
  • Combat is very dynamic. No more standing around while a spell is casting. Move around and shoot your guns. Neat!
  • Crafting/gathering is cool. It’s kinda neat to send your companions off to do this instead of having to do it yourself. And the results are pretty random, too. That’s awesome.
  • It’s gorgeous. Bright, colorful and obviously very Star Wars-y.
  • Dialog options. I was being a jerk most the time and It was a blast. I got some people airlocked in the first dungeon (LOL!) and then abandoned some chick to the Empire at the end (LOL! LOL!).
  • The follower system is neat. Mine had a love/hate relationship with me. I’d do 1 thing he liked, then 2 things that got minus loyalty (or whatever). Wasn’t sure the point of his loyalty was, so what do I care?

Con’s:

  • It’s an MMO. Lots of running around turning in quests to people.
  • Lots of talking. And the option choices are very much illusory. From some, I can tell no matter what I pick, it’d lead to the same dialog anyways. Some responses didn’t even make sense to what I’d selected.
  • Too many “heroic” quests. I didn’t want to group up to do a quest, but more than a few times I was forced to. That’s really stupid, IMHO. It just turns you into a beggar looking for people. Yes, I get that they want you to be social. That’s fine. But if you don’t want to be? Then shut out of some content; that seems weird to me.

Overall, I really enjoyed the game this weekend. It’s a blast and I’m not surprised it’s taken off as quickly as it has. Will I subscribe? Probably not. But it got me talking about it; which I wouldn’t have otherwise. So that’s something, I guess.