Funny Family Thanksgiving and Christmas Stories

Holidays with the family can be quite the adventure, can’t it? Here is a small collection of some funny Thanksgiving and Christmas stories.

Cold and Lonely on Christmas Eve

We were young and alone on Christmas Eve. I’d accepted a new job during the summer, so Mary and I had loaded our meager belongings into a truck and drove it a thousand miles. For both of us, it was the first Christmas away from family and friends.

The holidays were hard as we came from large families. Making matters worse, Mary was heavily pregnant. My Dad said that married men have to learn to walk on water, and when the wife is pregnant, we have to walk about three feet above it. She was on an emotional roller coaster that dipped up and down minute by minute.

That Christmas Eve, I tried to cheer her up by getting her out of the tiny apartment we’d rented, aptly named “the cave” for it’s tiny windows and dark interior. We went to an inexpensive family restaurant, about all we could afford on our tight budget. Even though the staff wanted to go home to their families, they treated us nicely, maybe because Mary was so obviously pregnant.

We finished the meal and returned to the dark, empty apartment. I retreated to the bedroom to wrap some small gifts while Mary busied herself in the living room. When I came out, she beamed, pointing at a lamp she’d decorated with ornaments because we couldn’t afford a Christmas tree. A minute later, I held her in my arms as she sobbed.

The Ice Storm

My in-laws drove halfway across the country to visit us on Thanksgiving, much to the joy of Mary and the kids. Who can spoil children better than some doting grandparents? My father-in-law enjoyed eating out at restaurants, a real luxury when you come from a tiny farm town, so I could claim to be spoiled too.

We planned a big Thanksgiving dinner with a turkey and all the goodies. Mary made a pumpkin cheesecake, and then had to make another one when my father-in-law and I ate most of the first one the night before the holiday. It hurt, but it was very good!

The next morning was cold and wet. The temperature dropped steadily through the day. Ice accumulated on the trees outside, making them look like crystal. I was nervous about a power outage. Sure enough, just after sunset a transformer blew and the lights flickered out.

We lit every candle we owned to light the kitchen and dining room. Fortunately, we had a gas stove, so cooking was still possible, and an hour later we sat down to dinner.

If you don’t help with cooking, you have to do the dishes. It’s our house rule, and I’d avoided doing any of the cooking, gambling that my friend Mr. Dishwasher would be up to the job. I lost, but I didn’t complain. I washed and dried dishes, scrubbed pots, and cleaned flatware for about 45 minutes. Finally, I poured a cup of coffee and cut another piece of that marvelous cheesecake just as the lights came back on.

The Quasimodo Tree

Mary and the kids went to pick out a Christmas tree while I was at work. They visited a local tree farm and selected one from the bargain rack. The guys there wrapped it in netting, probably chuckling all the while, because when I got home and looked at it, the tree appeared to have a huge bulge on one side. Trees don’t get pregnant, do they? This one looked like it was ready to pop out a sequoia.

At first glance, it looked like a perfect Christmas tree. I’m sure it looked that way while leaning against the rack, but further examination showed that the trunk was bent and wildly off-center. The branches were carefully trimmed to give it that “perfect” look. I found that it was almost impossible to balance in the tree stand. Mary held it up so it wouldn’t fall on me while I laid on the floor muttering and fussing with it. Eventually it stayed upright.

The kids decorated it with tinsel, strings of lamps, and ornaments, putting the latter out of reach of Mittens the Wonder Cat. When they finished, we had dinner. Minutes later, the tree crashed to the floor! Mittens streaked through the dining room, looking like a furry torpedo. She’d had a paw in the crash, I knew.

We put the tree back up. An hour later, it crashed onto the floor again. This time Mary saw Mittens trying to extricate herself from the tree. She was tangled in lights and tinsel with an ornament stuck on her tail. She took off again, hiding in the bathroom to sulk until the evil, cat-eating tree was gone.

Just to be safe, though, we tied the tree to the wall with rope, leading a friend to ask, “Are you afraid it might try to get away?”

Do you have any funny family Christmas/Thanksgiving stories that you would like to share?

Mob Doctor – Thoughts From Someone Who Has Never Seen it

Sexy woman who kills people for cold hard cash.

Anyone heard of this show on Fox called “Mob Doctor” ? Here’s the premise, according to the Fox website:

For most physicians, the Hippocratic oath is sacred. But for one Chicago doctor, who is indebted to the mafia, saving lives isn’t her only concern. THE MOB DOCTOR is a fast-paced medical drama focusing on a young female surgeon caught between two worlds as she juggles her promising medical career with her family’s debt to Chicago’s Southside mob.

DR. GRACE DEVLIN (Jordana Spiro) is a top resident at Chicago’s Roosevelt Medical Center. Smart and self-assured, she’s heralded as one of the country’s most promising young surgeons. But family ties keep her glued to her Southside roots. To pay off her brother’s life-threatening gambling debt, she makes a deal with the devil and agrees to work “off book” for the mafia men she once despised.

Sounds like it might be interesting, right? I like the premise, but I think it’s silly to give the audience payoff immediately. Why reveal that the character is in debt to the mob right away – unless the producers think the show has no long term life to it?

A much better show would probably be about a doctor, who is close to her family and trying to deal with her brother’s gambling debt. Who, sometimes, oddly has a patient die on the table when it seems like she should be able to save them. You could hide the true nature behind emotional family moments that could just make these brief bouts of incompetence appear to be moments of distraction – her brother is in jail again. Or is in debt again. Whatever. Lots of opportunities here. The deaths wouldn’t even have to be super major plot points at first. Just ways of getting the audience to connect to her plight – dealing with a family that seems to be purposefully weighing her down. You know, typical drama crap. It’s not like it’s difficult to make a compelling doctor show on its own, right?

Then, you can spring the surprise a few seasons into it. And show flashbacks about how she did it. How she got into debt with the mob. The interesting bits. That’d be a huge payoff. If the show got to be popular prior to this, simply by being compelling, the payoff would huge news in the industry. Especially if it was revealed that this was the plan from the beginning.

It’d be ground breaking. But as it is, with a cheap payoff immediately it seems so “blah” and when them mob thing eventually gets old, which it will, does the show change names? Former Mob Doctor? What? At least in my scenario, the mob thing could end 2 or 3 seasons after the reveal with some sort of way to arrest the mobsters. Her having to go to jail for her murders, etc. Which would also be a fantastic way to conclude a show on a high note.

I don’t know. It just seems like a good premise is wasted with a pay off that hits a little bit too soon. Then again, what do I know. I don’t watch this crap.

Claro Search Hijacking FireFox

It looks like “free software” is becoming a little less free these days. I got a new computer earlier this year and just realized my favorite screenprint software wasn’t on it; so I went to download it last night. Well, bad news. It seems the download site here now attaches a little piece of adware to your install to cash in on your free download. There may have been a way to avoid it; but I don’t remember – it was late and who reads these things anyways?

Well, the adware in question forces you to use something called “claro-search” for lots of functions. It’ll hyperlink words on various websites for an advertisement, change your Firefox/Chrome search to Claro Search instead of Google or Bing or whatever. It’ll also reset your homepage to Claro Search. As if that weren’t annoying enough, it’ll also install a toolbar. Removal doesn’t seem to be difficult, just annoying.

To Remove Claro Search in Firefox, use these steps:

If you use the built in search function, click the down arrow and select “Manage Search Engines”. When the popup appears, select Claro Search and Click Remove.

Then, go to Tools->Add-ons and and look in your Extensions and Plugins tabs for Claro Toolbar and Claro Ads. Remove both of them.

Finally, go to your Windows Control Panel and find the Chrome Claro Toolbar and the Firefox one. Remove both.

Reload your browsers and you should be good to go. Also reset your homepage.

Guess that’s the last time I download anything from softonic.com – unbelievable.

My 2012 Election Prediction

CNN has it tied up at 49-49 with a high Democrat sample that probably doesn’t reflect reality. So, before the voting really begins tomorrow, here is my predicton for the 2012 election.

I fear that Romney will lose the close states (OH, PA, MN, CO, NV) and get very close to winning but not enough to put him over the top. While the polls may be biased, I just have a feeling he will not be pulling this one out. So that’s my prediction.

If Romney does win, I’ll celebrate (and watch MSNBC all night of course), but on 11/7, I’ll go back to hating him. He is/was marginally better than Obama, but not enough to make me happy he’s the new President. Maybe he’d surprise me, but I doubt it.

Make your own prediction at Hotair.