This is a very basic 2 phase fight that had me worried because I reading that people say you need 3 people to kill it. No way. One person. Easy kill.

He’ll appear at the far end of the room with a very cool video introduction.

2 Phases that last from 100% health to 51% health and 50% health to dead.

Phase 1: Stand a good distance from him, wait for him to vomit this yellow smoke at you. Run to the side. He’ll charge that location. Once he does, get 3-4 swings in on his legs (or his tail – I hear he drops a weapon if you cut his tail off but I didn’t get it :( ). Move away. Rinse repeat this process for a while till he’s at around 50%. Then we enter phase 2.

Phase 2: Basically phase 1, except that he won’t throw his yellow smoke vomit until he’s slammed his face into the ground near you. So, you want to get close to him – this is easy since he’ll be chasing you around the room like you stole his crack pipe. When he rears his head back, run away or to the side to avoid the bite. Then move away. And wait for him to drop the yellow smoke then charge. Again 3-4 swings on his leg and move away. Repeat this until dead.

Occasionally, he’ll puke on the ground. Not sure what it does but I’ve played enough video games to know that if the boss puts it on the ground, you don’t want to be hit by it. So I ran away from it each time.

He might fly up into the air on occasion. Just be aware of where he lands and not be there when he does so. Otherwise, he moves very very slow so this is a very easy encounter for 25,000 souls and your Blighttown key. I took a single hit in the game from getting stuck on a rock in the environment. But other than that, easiest boss fight yet. I had a harder time with that giant rat in the Depths. I think he was the first boss 1 one-shotted.

The key to this fight is all in the beginning. Press A to enter the glowing door and immediately put up your shield.

Tack to the left; and focus target on the dog there. Kill it – ignore the other dog and the demon for now (just worry about getting your focus on that second dog). Kite back to the stairs at the back left of the room. Kill it. Stand at the top of the stairs to heal yourself (if necessary). When the demon walks up the stairs, you jump down. After a few moments, he’ll drop down too. He’ll be stunned for a second (just like you, if you drop that sort of distance) – hit him a few times while he’s like that.

Now kite him around to the stairs again. Rinse/repeat till he is dead.

This isn’t a hard boss (The Bell Gargoyles take this honor by far, thus far into the game). The key is getting the dogs down as quickly as possible, while staying alive. If you have the drake sword or something similar, the dogs should each die in a hit or two. They have no more health than the dogs you encountered on the way to the boss. In fact, after he’s dead; they will respawn if you die or rest at your flame. So be aware of this as you start on the Depths.

Part of the reason I like Dark Souls is that the monsters seem to play by the same rules as you. This boss accentuates that fact. Part of the reason I don’t like Dark Souls is the constant back tracking you are forced to do. I find that very frustrating. But I’m proud that I made good progress today. Bell Gargoyles down and the Chapra Demon as well. Plus I finally took the time to get the Drake Sword (with the crossbow, manually aiming. 20 bolts. TYVM). Not sure I could give a strategy for the two gargoyles as I believe I finally downed that with some dumb luck. Those fuckers were so random. Sometimes I’d get the second gargoyle spawning right on top of us. Both in melee was bad news.

After killing them and ringing the bell, I was like. Okay what do I do now? I went to the forest or whatever for a while (some pussy ass mini boss at the entrance, geesh, easiest mini boss yet). But then I read that the Depths is the easier way to go – so I went there. I’ll go back to the forest another time. To be honest, I got pretty far there then I encountered this knight that was laying there. When I approached he woke up. I killed him fine. Then I ran over to the loot and got attacked by 1 more of them and 2 plants. I died. When I went back down there, the first giant was back and I was like “fuck that” and went back to the Undead Berg. Got me a nice set of armor though, so that was worth it. :)

I’m occupying Wall Street and complaining about corporate greed ….

While wearing a shirt I bought at Abercombie
And tweeting from my Iphone that I bought from Apple.
And being spied on by Facebook that I’m connected through my Ipad.
And using Google to find directions to other nearby protests.
And talking to other protesters thru the AT&T cell phone network.

I’m upset that ….

Big companies are getting bailouts, which Obama supported and voted for.
Big companies are controlling the marketplace, which Obamacare promises to expand.
Big companies are colluding with government, while I support making government even larger.
Big companies tell us what we can and can’t do, while I support a government doing the exact same thing.
Big companies keep us in debt, while I support a government that is keeping everyone in debt.
There’s too much money in government, while supporting a President who is promising a $1 billion re-election bid.

So Reason TV puts up this video about the Occupy Wall Street crowd. I don’t know if it’s a fair sample or not. But if it is, it’s stunning that it gets any media attention at all. There’s no media bias when this group of morons gets more press than the Tea Party movement which has, you know, actually shaped this country’s political landscape since its inception. But anyways..

There’s some guy here saying we should return to the barter system. I wonder if this guy realizes that the monetary system -is- the barter system. Just instead of wandering around buying things with 500 pigs, you carry coins or currency. It simplifies the process and gives everything a relative value.

A true barter system is subjective. Let’s say you have 500 pigs to buy stuff with. You might be able to buy 1 ipod with it, or 200 ipods with it – depending on what kind of deal the pig buyer got and how badly he needs pigs. Currency keeps this in check – things are purchased for nearly relative amounts of money and sold for a price that everyone understands and is relatively predictable.

But let’s say we did have a barter system, right? You have a job. What do you get paid with? Pigs? They are a form of currency too. It’s a serious question. What would you prefer to be paid in, rather than currency? Let’s say your job pays you in hay or something. You need to buy food. What if your local food store doesn’t accept hay as currency – and it wants pigs instead. You’d either have to convert your hay to pigs, find a store that accepts hay, or you are screwed. Is this the life you’d really want? Is hay not currency? What if hay isn’t as valuable as pigs? You are working for far less than the guy who works for pigs. It’s all currency.

How would you pay for your AT&T bill to complain about the monetary sytem? Mail a pig to Apple? Barter your shirt? I mean, c’mon. Let’s be serious here.

Upset that you can’t aim a crossbow in dark souls, in the same way as your bow? No fear. Here’s your solution!

Buy a short bow (even if your dex is too low to use it). Equip it, zoom in and aim it (left bumper). Zoom back out. Equip your crossbow and have at it.  As long as you didn’t move your camera position at all, your crossbow will be aimed at that exact same point. For us low dex people (bandit, yay!), it’s a good way to fire at ranged targets effectively.

So far, I’m loving this game. The thing I’m not loving is the incessant back tracking if you die. I’m also not loving the lack of humanity. Takes 2 for each new bonfire, assuming you are undead – which you are most of the time. And given how hard humanity is to come by; that’s ridiculous. 5 Estus really make for a short venture out before returning to regenerate health.

So far, all the bosses have pretty much been – wait for it to attack, roll to the side, hit it. Rinse/repeat till dead. What makes some of the fights hard is the lack of room to move in.

The first death knight you face (Undead Berg) is in a long corridor and if you drag him out and up the stairs you came down on … you can dance around the red ladder and he won’t use his charge attack. Firebomb him from a distance and its an easy kill. Second one in the undead parish (upstairs right when you come up from the bridge) killed me, but seems like he’s the same – drag him downstairs, fiddle with him on the ramp which will interrupt his charge and kill him from the distance. I’ve seen video on the pig from the IGN reviews, he doesn’t seem too bad. But lots of bad guys around him worry me – wonder if they’ll be adding or not.

For free “titanite shards” and 300 souls, kill the Tauren Demon boss (firebombs make this cake) and get to the bridge. The dragon will kill the 5-6 undead guys giving you 300 souls – and about half the time they drop a titanite shard. Just use your short cut back to the bonfire and rinse/repeat this for free souls and some shards.

I still haven’t gotten the “drake sword” trick to work. The event seems to reset itself after each arrow hit on the tail. Maybe that’s been patched? Who knows. The dragon feels like a 2 person fight. One person hits the tail, other stands up top and whacks the dragon when it flies toward you. Maybe. Maybe not. Feels like it, though.

I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll never finish this game though. While fun, the back tracking is very irritating. I -almost- quit the first night after the intro area. I went to the graveyard to kill those skeletons that spawn. Bastards were near unkillable and I was like “This game is too damn hard. Two targets at once with variable attack speeds! Impossible!” – then I gave up and went up to Undead Berg instead and was like “Oh this is a lot easier!” I went back to those skeletons later and found them to be much easier after I got some practice on, you know, killable targets.

I should have picked the master key as my starting thing. I picked the firebombs instead (stupid). Lots of doors I’d like to open, but I can’t. I did get the key to the Undead residences, but still. Other doors remain locked. Sad face. Then again, I should have also picked a character that could use a bow. Being able to down guys from range would really make my life easier. At least I currently have 3600 souls that I’ll use to get my dex to 11 and farm to get it to 12 so I can use it.

I wonder if there is a level cap? I’m like 16 now. Wonder how high it goes and if I should worry about allocations or not.